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Synthesizer Humor

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From AA

I'm going to sell my Theremin, haven't touched it in years.

Forum posting from someone trying to decide if to get a Synthesizers.com system or get married: (2/2005)

So the question is: Wife or .com (with 960/962 combo)?
I gotta weigh the pros and cons:

Well, that settles it. I guess I'll just have to get both. I wonder if I can talk my future wife into registering at Synthesizers.com? Roger may not go for it, but I bet if I appealed to Margo...

From AF

What did the synth say to a brainless midi controller?
You're an MIDIout.

From Robert

What is the difference between a modular synthesizer and a woman?
You can turn off a modular synth when it starts to sound irritating.

From David

Why it is better to be ship wreaked with a modular synth than a DX7?
The modular makes a better flotation device (before reaching island) and it burns better (after reaching island).

From Ken

What do you call a filter with a big bottom and can really sing?
Jennifer Lowpass

From Jason D.

Portamento: a foreign country you've always wanted to see.
Glissando: a brand of personal lubricant.
Ritard: there's one in every family.
Tempo: a bad choice for a used car.
12-tone scale: the thing they weigh a tractor trailer truck with.

Myriad Number of Uses for Your .com synth besides music For when everyone goes digital again... RECYCLE!

From David S.

No recycling - once a modular user, always a modular user.

Imagine some future day when we are all in retirement homes, sitting in a rocking chair, with our antique modular sitting in the corner with a doily on top. (shudder)

(doily = The white lacy decorative things you saw all over your grandmother's furniture)

Why is a modular synth better than a MiniMoog?
You can set your beer on a modular.

How are modular synths like elderly parents?
Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

boop bip blamp boop bwamp beep beep bip
boop bip blamp boop bwamp beep beep bip
boop bip blamp boop bwamp beep beep bip
boop bip blamp boop bwamp beep beep bip
boop bip blamp boop bwamp beep beep bip
Look at me, I can play the sequencer!

From Eric M.

What do you get when you drop a modular synth down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a modular synth on an army base?
A flat major.

What does it mean when a synth player is drooling out both sides of his mouth?
The stage is level.

Why is a synthesizers.com modular better than a minimoog?
Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff.

What's the best thing to play on a modular?
Solitaire.

How many analog heaven posters does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.


Drummer Humor


Now I don't want to get flame mail about this. Many of you know I'm a drummer and all this is in good fun even though about 75% is true :)
See my life-long quest for the perfect drum set

From John P.

What's the difference between a drummer and a large pepperoni pizza?
Pizza feeds a family of four.

From Roger A.

What do you call a drummer without a girl friend?
Homeless.

From Zon

What do you do when a drummer knocks on your door?
Pay him for the pizza.

From Eric M.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality!

What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.

A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

From David

A drummer was trying to learn to play the flute. He practiced for weeks and weeks and still couldn't get a good sound out of it. Finally, he decided that he was hiting it too hard with the stick.

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.

What's the difference between a savings bond and a drummer?
Someday the bond will mature and make some money.

Oxymoron - snare drum music.

How late does a band play tonight?
About half a beat behind the drummer.

What's the first thing drummers do in the morning?
Walk home.

From Bill

As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered that the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified police, who arrested him.

Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had?" he asked me.

"I had him arrested," I replied. We said good-bye and hung up.

A few minutes later my friend called back and asked, "How badly did he play?"

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